-March 02, 2011-
untitled # 02

I looked and read through the words, over and over, and over again. And every time it felt like a deep stab in my heart, right where it hurts the most. I closed my eyes. And again, once more, this time, I say to myself, for the last time, I took a glimpse. The words. I am weakened. I feel like I am drowning. This can't be. This can't be real. This feels like going against Fate, fighting with Destiny. Sacrilege! I am on the verge of having my heart broken. This time, for real. Into million tiny pieces. Don't let it be. The cold breeze, the million stars, the ray of the moon feels warm as it touches my face, and my dearly loved beast, are the only comfort I can find. Surreal but they keep me warm inside, they keep me warm where it matters, in my heart. The thought of you with someone else makes me weak. A tear. The thought. The devastation. The truth. But I'm holding on. I refuse to let go. For a string of hope, is still hope, after all. I wish I could easily shut you out of my life, but I can't bear the thought of it. And who am I to blame you? For wanting happiness in your life, for being brave enough to look for it, and embrace it when it touched you. I was a coward. And I am a coward. And I fear that you'll never know how you make me feel. Just once, I wish you could look through my eyes, and feel through my heart, so you'll know what you mean to me. Just this once, for once will be more than I could ever ask for, for once is all you need to feel how wonderful of a gift you are to everyone in your life. The words of incertainty haunts me through the day. I am weakened. I feel that I should let this be known, that as weird as it may sound, I am not saddened. Deep down in my heart, the thought of you being happy with some one who is not me makes weak, but I am sincerely happy for your happiness. Your happiness calms me. I want to share my life with you. I want to share my happiness with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. For this time, the uncertainty doesn't kill me. It gives me a pinch of hope to hold on to. So, I am holding on. I am not letting go... Just not yet. I still believe in you and me. I still believe in us. I still believe in us together, forever. I still believe we are meant to be.

blinked and flew @ 10:45 PM  
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