-March 02, 2011-
untitled # 02
I looked and read through the words, over and over, and over again. And every time it felt like a deep stab in my heart, right where it hurts the most. I closed my eyes. And again, once more, this time, I say to myself, for the last time, I took a glimpse. The words. I am weakened. I feel like I am drowning. This can't be. This can't be real. This feels like going against Fate, fighting with Destiny. Sacrilege! I am on the verge of having my heart broken. This time, for real. Into million tiny pieces. Don't let it be. The cold breeze, the million stars, the ray of the moon feels warm as it touches my face, and my dearly loved beast, are the only comfort I can find. Surreal but they keep me warm inside, they keep me warm where it matters, in my heart. The thought of you with someone else makes me weak. A tear. The thought. The devastation. The truth. But I'm holding on. I refuse to let go. For a string of hope, is still hope, after all. I wish I could easily shut you out of my life, but I can't bear the thought of it. And who am I to blame you? For wanting happiness in your life, for being brave enough to look for it, and embrace it when it touched you. I was a coward. And I am a coward. And I fear that you'll never know how you make me feel. Just once, I wish you could look through my eyes, and feel through my heart, so you'll know what you mean to me. Just this once, for once will be more than I could ever ask for, for once is all you need to feel how wonderful of a gift you are to everyone in your life. The words of incertainty haunts me through the day. I am weakened. I feel that I should let this be known, that as weird as it may sound, I am not saddened. Deep down in my heart, the thought of you being happy with some one who is not me makes weak, but I am sincerely happy for your happiness. Your happiness calms me. I want to share my life with you. I want to share my happiness with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. For this time, the uncertainty doesn't kill me. It gives me a pinch of hope to hold on to. So, I am holding on. I am not letting go... Just not yet. I still believe in you and me. I still believe in us. I still believe in us together, forever. I still believe we are meant to be.
blinked and flew @ 10:45 PM
_.+. ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ .+._
-July 25, 2006-
untitled # 01
maybe someday when my life is through
i would see your face, once again.
all the pain i've been through,
all the hate will just fade away.
alone in my room
in the dark, i cry.
blinked and flew @ 8:52 PM
_.+. ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ .+._
-June 25, 2006-
Dearest Moon.
Dear Moon,
Do you know lucky you are? Do you know how you make me feel?
There are times that i admire you the most; the beauty, the ray of light, the shower of love. I could stay for hours just staring at you and the stars that surrounds you. The calmness you bring, the peace, the fragrance.
And yes, at times, i envy you, for you can watch over
him and he won't even try to object. For you can see through his soul and he won't bother hiding what's inside him. To be able to listen to all of his pains, heartaches, stories and deepest thoughts.
Do you know how lucky you are that you'll never be alone, that all the stars would forever watch your back, that even if you don't always see them; you know that they're just there.
How does it feel to know that the night won't be the same if you didn't exist? And how it makes me feel knowing that no one would notice if one night I'd stop existing? How does it feel to have people admire your beauty by just being your simple self while you light the night, i am being overshadowed to an obscure world.
I envy you, I admire you. And I can't bring myself to hate you.
-from the deranged mind of a fallen star
blinked and flew @ 12:11 AM
_.+. ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ .+._
-February 10, 2006-
Do not stand by grave and weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
by: Mary Elizabeth Frye
blinked and flew @ 2:15 PM
_.+. ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ .+._
-October 06, 2005-
The Dreamer In Me
I dream of wealth, fame and fortune; and i ask who doesn't?
I dream of a good life, a richer taste and a better family;
and said to myself who wouldn't?
I dream of love,true love; everlasting nor death do us part
I dream of peace and beauty within paradise
I dream pureness of heart; to love and be loved sincerly
I dream of silence; to be able to think and reflect on my life
I dream to be dreamed by the one i dream of
I dream of to feel no sadness
But then how would i know happiness exist?
I dream of being numb and regret the love i feel for you
I dream never to cry but asked myself...
How would i wash my eyes or how would i show that i'm hurting inside
I dream to asleep for all eternity for if i wake
I know reality would strike me that while i dream of you;
you dream of her...
blinked and flew @ 1:05 AM
_.+. ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ .+._
-October 04, 2005-
The Power Of Goodbye
As i get closer to day that i leave; i think of how i lived my life
On my way to the plane with every step that i take;
a tear falls down on to my cheeks
As i get near to a whole new place; i dream of the one i left
As i meet new people; i remember the people that are dear
When someting happens i can't help but reminisce on my past
Your sorrow makes me sad; your tears made me better
The faces of those that i love with tears as i walk away
And when that day came all i could say was a lonely goodbye
I try to live the same old life that i had;
I tried so hard that i broke down and cried
I reached out but there was no one on the other side
I waited but nothing came
I shouldn't have said goodbye but what was i to do if i needed to go
You should have known my importance
But instead you've forgotten my existence
Need i say more?
When all that is left are the memories that starts to fade
And love that turned to hate...
blinked and flew @ 2:32 AM
_.+. ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ .+._
-September 30, 2005-
Honestly Sorry
i was weak but still you loved the weakness within me
i was hopeless but you showed me there could be tomorrow
i could not fly but you taught me not to crawl
i was scared and you made me feel strong
i was hurting and endlessly crying
you held your hand and showed you care
i was unforgiving full of hatred in my heart
but you told me there is no good in hate
and forgave me so i could learn to forgive
i was to the point of giving up
almost to letting go
but you said hold on, maybe someday,somehow
you told me, "i love you"
but you taught me to much
i cannot let go, i can no longer lie to myself
i know you wish you haven't taught me that much
but please do understand, if you honestly care
listen to what i say, i do mean each word
thank you for all that you've been but i cannot love you still
but until that day do keep in mind that maybe someday, somehow.
blinked and flew @ 2:30 PM
_.+. ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ .+._
-September 29, 2005-
Unspoken Love
when the day comes that we meet again
hoping that the courage within me
would help me show what i feel inside
the fear that once covered the feeling deep inside
has turned itself into a sadness of being alone
the love that i feel; to a sorrowful hatred
one day when the time has come
and the place is right
hope the feeling's still there
today i hope you've found the one
for the love that i once felt
has fade away with the memories of us.
blinked and flew @ 5:38 PM
_.+. ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ .+._
this is the place where my crazy thoughts 'bout anything goes,
when I can't throw them away.
a place where you can see what runs inside a deranged mind.